The Warriors Should Rest Their Starters During The Playoffs To Save Them For Next Season

Posted by Chris Mottram on

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The Warriors should rest their starters in the playoffs so they can stay fresh for next season. There are too many risks and contributing factors that go into a playoff run, and when it’s all said and done, it’s just not worth it.

Why do the big names and stars have to play so much, come playoff time? If the young rookies and reserves don’t get any playoff minutes, how will they ever get any playoff experience so they can be trusted in playoff games? It’s a vicious circle. Stop being such a ball hog, Steph Curry, and let the entry level employees gain some valuable work experience.

By playing hard in the playoffs, the Warriors are risking an injury that could come back to bite them in the ass come next season. Say Steph Curry, god forbid, breaks an ankle this postseason. He could be out long into next season and be questionable for next year’s playoffs (which the Warriors should rest him for, in order to save him for the next regular season after that). It’s just not worth it.

Every round you advance in the playoffs, that’s more tickets and shirts that have to be printed. Somebody’s gotta go to Kinko’s or something. Now I’m standing behind this idiot printing off 50,000 playoff tickets and I’m just trying to make a couple copies because my cat is lost. And by the time I get to that copier, my cat’s riding the rails halfway to Kalamazoo. So now because you wanted to win another meaningless playoff series, my cat left me. You happy now, Warriors?

Decal guy’s gotta make one of them playoff decals for the court. Nobody ever thinks of the decal guy. Poor decal guy.

Championship runs bring cities into a frenzy. People skip work to watch playoff games. And now a little mom and pop hardware store is going out of business, because their employees just had to watch their beloved Warriors win yet another playoff game. Unemployment lines grow and the country is plunged into another depression. All because the Warriors wanted to win a couple more basketball games. Greedy!

steph curry bench

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Traffic gets clogged up when there’s a playoff team in town. Cars backed up for miles while a young mother gives birth in the back of a taxi cab outside the stadium. Congratulations, Steph Curry! You just won another playoff game.

And now you’ve gone and won the NBA Championship. Oh boy, now you’ve done it. You’ve got another trophy you have to find a place for. Probably gotta build a whole new trophy case. Where do you even get something like that done? Some sort of contractor? How well do you know this contractor? He builds a shoddy case, your trophy falls and breaks and now you’ve got no trophy. You spent an extra month playing basketball and you have nothing to show for it. Way to go, jerk.

President Obama won’t be there to welcome the champions to the White House next year. Do the Warriors really wanna hang out with President Trump? Shake his tiny hand? No thank you.

By resting their starters, the Warriors will guarantee themselves less playoff games, thereby reducing the number of calamities that could befall them listed above. Also, less playoff games means a longer summer vacation. Fun in the sun, baby. Spring Break 2016! Wooo!

Who are you trying to show off for anyway, winning all these basketball games? You think you’re better than me? Now you’re walking around with an air of superiority and people resent you. Why risk today when tomorrow’s more important? Let some other dopes get that fleeting glory; the Celtics, for instance. Just sit your stars, Warriors. An NBA title just isn’t worth it.

The author is oviously dead serious about all of this; if you wanna tell him how smart he is please do so @ethan_booker.